these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
