i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
