We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
