Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
