VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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