i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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