By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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