Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
