I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
