Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
