i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
