Welp...herpes.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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