just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
