I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
