I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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