worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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