tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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