I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
