He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
