I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
