Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
