I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
