yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
