She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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