is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
