I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
