and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
