Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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