I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Randomize
