they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
