i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
