actually, I'm a sock model
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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