dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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