i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
