I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
