When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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