She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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