the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
