So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
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All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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