Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
