I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
