she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
