I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
