these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
