I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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