We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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