oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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