She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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