he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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