mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Shame - the story of my life.
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