Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
