no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize