i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
