i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
