Fine. I'll sleep in my office
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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