She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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