All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
