Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My life is pants optional.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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