so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
