it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
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BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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