Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
