I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
