He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
