if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
