end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
