Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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