how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
