she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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