Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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