So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
