The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Oh god it's open bar.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
