i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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