btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
