So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
