I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
