I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
